so complicated

Josh helped Ste look for clothes at the thrift shop. Actually, it was kind of fun. It was weird, but so fun.

Ste actually found some platforms big enough.

"How grand is that, aye?" He was proud of his silver heels.

"Amazing." Josh just humored him. He felt a bit frightened yet elated at the same moment.

"No one has to know," Ste promised.

"I know." Josh rolled his eyes. This was for their pure enjoyment of dressing up like queens. But he knew it would be a matter of time of wanting to show off, somewhere, somehow.

"What if we aren't even doing it right, you know." Josh looked at Ste, wondering which one of them was the true novice at this.

"Have a little faith, will you, honestly, it doesn't take much to bring out your eyes with some liner and some lippy." Ste told him as if he was a pro at this already. He found a glitzy number then that would be perfect for New Years. "I just want to feel sexy, OK."

"But you are." Josh grinned.

They paid for their items then.

"Come on, let look at something for a face." Ste told him. The shops were waiting. Josh just sighed. Where in the world was this all taking them.

hell to pay

"Jesus! Fletch! Are you out of your head?" Billy winced. Suddenly, they were best mates. Or so it seemed. "That's not how you fix it!" Billy's eyes lit.

Fletch was back at the pub. Billy was doing his regular duties as bartender and listener. It was a fuck'n guilt trip as far as he was concerned.

"You have to break it off, you know." Billy informed him.

"I know, its not that serious." Fletch flinched slightly.

"Its fuck'n serious! Mate!" Billy found himself practically screaming at the bloke about his transgressions.

"Don't make it more than it was," Fletch frowned.

"Because it is, you fool!" Billy slapped him across the side of his forehead with the damp rag he had. He just stared at Fletch. "Maybe you just as well be a druggie, aye?"

"Don't say that." Fletch gritted.

"Well?" Billy squinted.

"I dunno." Fletch rubbed the burn that Billy gave him.

"You know, Newt wants to go after Lauren. She's in London, you know, a lead about that Laleh." Billy informed him.

"Laleh?" Fletch made it look like there was a very bad taste in his mouth.

"Snap out of it, you wanker." Billy glared at him. "If you love this lass of yours so much, then you be after her."

"Maybe its her." Fletch swelled a frown as tears came to his eyes.

"What are ya gonna do?" Billy questioned.

"Dunno." He fretted.

"Keep your wanker to yourself, aye. It could mean bad news. Got it!" Billy watched Fletch get up from the barstool as if he had to do something. A place to go.

Fletch just nodded as if he understood.

a snog in fact

Monty just breathed in when Fletch kissed him. Perhaps it was the need to know someone was there. That someone cared. He thought he was alive now when Fletch held him. It was so unreal, and yet warm and satisfying too.

Monty couldn't believe it.

Fletch was so calm, and he got out something he'd rolled up. A joint. And they shared it in the dark. As if it were something they could be quaint about. Monty just smiled. It was weird, but a good weird, he thought. Someone to mellow out with. It wasn't like they'd be shagging or anything. Just something to get high on. And possibly Fletch needed it as much as he did.

Fletch told him Lauren was gone. He listened. Lauren wouldn't take his calls. It was as if she'd shut him off too.

"How does shit happen like this, aye?" Monty just winced.

Fletch just shrugged as if he wasn't going to let Lauren get to him. He watched Monty. They kissed again as if this time they couldn't get enough of each other. As if maybe they could get back at each one of their lasses with another kiss. Monty hadn't had this much fun snogging anyone since his school days, perhaps. A smile came to his face. What the fuck was happening? It was practically an out of body experience. And Monty couldn't stop the silly madness.

in the shadows

Fletch could barely see Monty in the shadows of his room. He looked quite ill, laying there so still as if he might have already done himself in. For what, over the likes of Gemma? who was a slapper through and through, or so Fletch had now decided.

He was ashamed and suddenly not sure of himself. How could that be. It was brilliant with Lauren. Wasn't it? Now he felt so unraveled. Gemma reminded him so much of Kelsey. It was shocking yet new with her, and he'd missed those times with Kelsey. They were fresh on his mind still. And to think those had been the best of times so long ago. And now Gemma. Jesus, he felt sure he'd go a bit a crazy if he kept this many secrets. He hated secrets. Really, he did. He wanted to remain true to Lauren. But what if she wasn't true to him, either.

It was confusing, but he didn't want to lay dying, there, like Monty.

"Monty?" He kept his voice low. There was no movement. Perhaps not a breath. It gave Fletch goosebumps. "Monty, please, be all right." He used his normal tone then. He was about to shake him, but finally Monty mumbled something.

Fletch jumped back, yet relieved that Monty was still in the here and now.

"Monty." Fletch looked at him, but didn't know what to say. What could he say? Exactly? I almost shagged your bird. Fletch just glared.

"What?" Monty winced. There was a silence. "Just let me sleep, will you?"

Fletch sat down on the bed, close to Monty who rose up on his elbows. Fletch couldn't help but to hug him so. And the next thing he did, possibly scared Fletch more than it did Monty.

what if

"No, you're not gonna find Lauren on your own." Billy glared at Newt when he came home and told him about Lauren's mysterious phone call. "If anyone should go after her, its that Fletch of hers. You know that, don't you?"

Newt nodded as if he understood, but he was itiching to go. Really, they were friends. Even if they didn't talk much. He couldn't think of her ever asking about Liam, nor dare coming to see him. But still they were mates. Always would be.

"All right." He had to quit beating himself up about this. "But what if something happens, Billy?"

"Shit!" Billy glared at him intently. "I will not let you go!" Billy grabbed Newt's shoulders then. "Please! Just listen to me. We are together. You and I. We have to stick together. You know, that."

"I know. I see your point, exactly." Newt winced.

"We have a family, now, we have to take care of us. You and me." Billy was sincere about this. No flashy smile or giggles. This was serious shit to him. As it was to Newt too. But he felt sad inside. What if something happened to Lauren? What if she didn't come back?

misery loves company

Newt was at work. He'd just brought Amy a salad and a juice from the deli when his cell rang. It was Lauren.

"Where are you?" He wanted to know.

"London."

"London?" He winced. "What on earth for?"

"Its Laleh," Lauren said. "I think I found her."

"Oh really, are you sure that was a good idea. She's said to be fine and having a good life at the Uni now, right?" Newt didn't understand.

"So I'm told. But I don't believe a word of it." She told him.

He walked down the corrider toward the trauama unit to pick up some specimens for the lab in a cart.

"Why not?" He couldn't believe she still wanted Laleh after all she'd been through with Fletch. Wasn't he her man now? He wanted to ask, but just listened.

"She's a prostitute, Newt." Lauren sounded so certain.

"This doesn't sound good. You get mixed up with her, you'll be just as fucked up as ever. Don't do it, Lauren. Just come back home. Forget Laleh!" Newt found himself shouting.

"How can you say that?" Lauren sounded so hurt that he'd say such about Laleh.

"What did she ever do for you, seriously?" Newt asked.

"Why did I call you! You're know help, Newt, none at all!"

"What is it? You want from me?" He winced. He just hoped this didn't mean he'd have to go find them both.