12.30.2008

this is what you get

For a minute there I lost myself- radiohead

Sasha sat motionless as her body swayed slightly as the train jolted on. She could hardly breath now. She'd done the unthinkable, hadn't she? But a calmness remained as she sat back in the cushioned seat alone.

It was so different from before. She'd had laugh with Gaspard's sister back to her village, back to see Gaspard. Back before she knew how bad off he was, how clinical and sanitized the hospital was kept.....

She hated seeing him barely there. Barely who she remembered. It had been a somber occasion for the most part. And now she didn't want to think how it had ended. What Francie had talked to her into.

"Well, what if he doesn't make it," that was Francie's concern.

"Then can't you-" Sasha didn't want to tell her what she really thought the ethical thing to do. "Well, you're the nurse."

"But he loves you," Francie was certain of it.

Sasha had just looked at her wide-eyed the very moment she suggested that she do this strange thing, especially in a hospital room.

"Are you out of your mind?" Had she heard her correctly?

Francie put her mouth over Sasha's. "Then lets call it revenge sex." Francie whispered. "Say you wanted to get back at Rhys."

"No, I think you're the one who wants me to get back at Rhys. I never want to have thing to do with him," Sasha told her.

"Good," Francie looked at her seriously, "Then there shouldn't be a problem."

"But-" there were just too many problems with this. Sasha kept shaking her head, then. She shook her head, now.

Only, she'd gone through with it, sometime after midnight when no one was around..she snuck in to Gaspard's room, and as luck would have it. It worked. Really, it was quite an unusual experience. She couldn't forget that even if she tried as he laid dying. It wasn't like he was in a coma. Thankfully. Well, maybe now. She didn't know.

Sasha nursed her upper lip now as she thought about it. So many things running through her head. Was it what he wanted? Did he even know her? She had put him in a deep sleep. What if he never woke up, again?

2 comments:

autumn said...

wow. complicated.

taffy. said...

it's weird that i think this is kind of beautiful.