Kelsy felt a bit numb after speaking with Simon. Oh, she knew he thought all sorts of things she could be doing to make her life better. It just wasn't that easy. She wasn't brilliant like he was for starters. But it felt as if he might have more faith in her than she even had in herself. And yet, she'd lied to him. Simple as that.
It just didn't feel right to tell him. Not yet. Maybe she would. Maybe she wouldn't. Not until it was obvious. Or until the day came and he saw this pale haired child and he'd ask. "Now where did that come from?"
She was already practicing breathing exercises as she walked home from the clinic. It would be months before anything changed. If she was lucky she might not show until near the end.
What was she doing with her life? Now she was messing with someone else's, as well. Even Simon's, she supposed. A chill came over her. Here she said she'd made changes, and it just wasn't so. Not really. Not when it came to facing up with the truth.
Had she just been awful not wanting him to know. Oh, she'd hear all of it from him. How could she? And just as he'd expected. She felt sad that it would come to this. She so wanted to be happy, but she couldn't. She was still going to be alone. Yet, it didn't feel like a mistake. It didn't. And she didn't want to hear it from him.
This was her dream. She could even taste it. And it was happening. Finally.
She went up the stairs to her place. It was locked. Nothing unusual. But when she opened the door it was dark inside. Usually, she left the bathroom light on. Perhaps it burned out. It could have happen.
She switched on the lamp in the livingroom quickly and went to put the kettle on. Really, she'd told no one the news yet. Perhaps she'd keep it to herself for good. What was the point? Just to hear her Aunts wind her up about it. She didn't need that. Still, it would have been nice to tell someone. Maybe Cecil, but she doubt he'd be that excited about being an uncle. Kelsy knew in the next breath he'd be asking how much this was going to cost him.
Really, how come everyone wanted to make her feel so useless?
She teared up quickly as she waited for the kettle to sing. It was pointless to watch the kettle. She went to her room to change. Really, being comfortable was the only alternative. Perhaps she'd turn in early. It would be nice to stay in. All by herself, and think this through. She'd figure it out. Wouldn't she?
She stripped down to her black bikinis and under shirt. Kelsy opened her wardrobe just to look down at a pair of sneakers someone was still wearing. Kelsy blinked. Someone was in there. Hiding behind her coats and things she never wore.
She backed away. Were they just going to stay in there?
She was not going to be afraid. She wouldn't be. Especially if she had something to stab with. Her nail file would have to do.
Kelsy pushed back the hangers of clothes. There he was like a statue. Colin didn't move.
"What the fuck are you doing in my wardrobe!" Kelsy jerked him out.
"Nice to see you too." He stared at her even lipped, trying to compose himself as if he'd climbed through a window instead.
"Just shut it! I can't stand the sight of you as it is," she scowled. "You better make it good, you wanker, or I might decide to dispose of you, somehow." Kelsy just looked at him as if she'd soon kill him as to have him over for tea.